A Baking Lesson

When I bake a cake, I usually let my three-year old son join in. He sits on a chair and I would place a bowl on the table in front of him. I let him hold the measuring cup, as we add the ingredients one by one into the bowl. When we are done, I give him a fork to mix them up. He mixes them together a few times. I know his tiny hands are not strong enough to whisk the entire batter. So, I appreciate his help and take it up from there. I use an electric blender, and when the batter is done, I pour them into pans and put them in the oven till they are done. Alright, this is not meant to be a post on "how to bake a cake"!

When the cake is ready to be eaten with the frosting (or icing) on it, John proudly tells his dad: "Mama and Johnny made the cake." Now, I could have done it all by myself, which would have been quicker and less messy. The focus is not on the cake that needs to get done, but we do it together because we both enjoy it, and in the process, he also acquires some skills. He learns to hold up the measuring cup steadily, and he learns how to bake a cake.

It makes me think that it is quite similar to how God lets us join in His Work. He does not need our help at all. In fact, it wouldn't take him long to appear to everyone in a dream and reveal Himself. Messy, disobedient and reluctant as we are, God entrusts His precious gospel to us, just because He loves us! Of course, God works in us in the process. When Jonah decided to disobey God, He could have easily chosen another prophet who would comply. He didn't do that! He patiently worked in Jonah till he obeyed. Something urgent had to be done, but I am so glad God isn't task-oriented.

There are still a lot of people around the world who have not yet heard the Good News. God is certainly more concerned about it that we are. But, He is also more interested in His relationship with individuals and in the process rather than getting 'it' done. So, He may not push a hesitant disciple into a mission field. Though we don't always understand, we just trust and believe that God is love and full of wisdom, and He knows exactly what is best.

Let us serve God in the attitude that we are doing His work, and not accomplishing something for Him. We can never please God with our best human efforts, just like my son's efforts to bake a cake by himself would be! But, when we choose to play a role in what He is already doing, He can use our little for His glory. "So you also, when you have done all that you were commanded, say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done what was our duty.'" (Luke 17:10)

After Much Anticipation....

It was a time of waiting. For what, you ask? For the birth of our baby – second baby, to be precise. Well, the doctors had estimated a ‘due date’ for the baby. But, three weeks before the due date, the baby is considered full term and he could be born anytime. I didn’t think much about the ‘waiting’ part till I was in it myself. (By the way, our first son John arrived four weeks earlier than his due date, much before I even started waiting.)

The anticipation peaked when I started noticing signs that the baby is getting ready for birth. Signs are supposed to make it easy, aren’t they? True, but I had been having false pains for about a month. May be, that’s not a good enough sign. How about the baby’s position? He was in birth position for about four weeks. When the due date was about 2 and a half weeks away, the doctor examined me and said the baby could be born any time. Now, that brings up a lot of things for me, and for us as a family. For one, I was excited that I am closer to holding my little one. Plus there are the preparations to be done. The hospital bag was packed. A day went by. I almost spent that day sitting in the couch waiting for signs of labor pain. No signs! May be, that’s not the way to wait. I decided to carry on with my regular chores – not that I could do much carrying a precious person inside my bulging belly.

That reminded me of how we should wait for the Lord’s second coming. We are not to sit lazily and keep looking at the sky, but we ought to work diligently. If the master returns and finds that the servant has done a good job, there will be a reward. I tell you the truth, the master will put that servant in charge of all he owns. But what if the servant is evil and thinks, ‘My master won’t be back for a while,’ and he begins beating the other servants, partying, and getting drunk? The master will return unannounced and unexpected, and he will cut the servant to pieces and assign him a place with the hypocrites. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. (Matthew 24:46 – 51)

The next morning, my husband Daniel had to decide whether to go to work or work from home. He can’t keep telling his employer that the baby is going to be born soon. ‘Soon’ could be anything from a day to a week, or even a couple of weeks! If he goes to work and I am in labor, it might take a lot of time for him to drive back home and then take me to the hospital. Reluctantly, he got ready to go to work. John and I waved him bye. As I was wondering what I would do if the baby arrives today, I just turned that thought into prayer, committing into His Hands who knows all! In a few minutes, Daniel came back, because the car wouldn’t start. Wow! That was a quick answer to prayer. Immediately, we felt it was going to happen today. But, we had to get the car working first. The battery had to be replaced, and it was done in an hour. So, Daniel ended up working from home that day. But no signs of labor. That was a little disappointing because of all the anticipation.

I had some pain in the evening, but I had read enough on the topic to dismiss it as false labor pains. Apparently, the main difference is that real labor pains are rhythmic, while false pains are random in intensity and timing. Soon, the pain subsided and I went to bed at night. I was woken up early in the morning by painful contractions. I did what I had been accustomed to do in the last few weeks. I noted the time of each contraction. One hour went by, and the contractions were exactly five minutes apart. I waited for a few more minutes, and did what the doctor had instructed me to do. “Call when the contractions are five minutes apart for one hour,” she had said. Soon, we rushed to the hospital – Daniel, John and I – in the wee hours of the day. We had to figure out our way in – because some doors were locked at that time of the day – stopping at a couple of places, asking for directions. Oh, but wait, the pains had subsided by then. False alarm?

Yes it was, as the doctor soon confirmed. But, how am I to know when it’s real labor pain? I followed the instructions, and I was looking for the signs. “Call when the contractions are five minutes apart for one hour,” the doctor confirmed. “We can examine you and confirm if it is the real thing or not.” We went back home with all the hospital bags we had brought! Daniel took the day off and we took a good nap.

The same evening I had some pain again, and we went to the doctor’s office. Again, it was false alarm. Next time, the doctor asked me to wait till the pain continues for 2 hours. By this time, I was getting embarrassed about creating a scene each time. Getting the three of us into the car to go the doctor in this cold weather, with so many winter clothes on, was no fun. I resolved not to wake up Daniel even if I have pain again, and I continued with my regular chores – cooking, cleaning, etc. I tried to ignore all about the ‘waiting’ and went to bed. Early in the morning, about 4:15 AM, I woke up in pain again. Not again, I thought!! But this time, I did not even get up from bed. I just picked up my phone and noted the time each time I had a painful contraction. They were about 3 minutes apart, and the pain was intense. Well, yesterday too, I thought the pain was intense. I didn’t want to look like a drama queen again. So I kept quiet, but Daniel woke up and caught me rolling in pain. After waiting for one and a half hours (the pain was getting very intense), we called the doctor and rushed to the hospital. The temperature outside was 2^o F – the coldest I had ever witnessed in my life!

I knew the baby would be born in a few hours, and we had to get to the hospital soon. Thankfully, the hospital is just a few minutes’ drive from home. I walked (yes, in the middle of active labor!) from the hospital entrance to the labor room. I needed no directions, for I had walked the same route just yesterday! Everyone who saw me on the way knew I was in labor – the look on my face was enough to say it.

I entered the labor room at 6:30. It was 6:59 when I was holding little Jeremy in my arms. The day was the 08th of January. What a joy it was to behold a little human being, handcrafted by God! It was as if there was a lot of wait, and just when I had given up the wait, he was born suddenly. The birth was so sudden that we didn’t even have the time to find someone to look after our first son, and he ended up being in the labor room to welcome his little brother!

One of the nurses who was helping me during the labor asked if we have a garage where we park the car. When I said no, she expressed surprise that our car had even started that morning, considering how cold it was. When I told her we had changed the battery just two days back, she was even more surprised and agreed that it was a miracle. Yes, it was! Though we didn’t understand all about the waiting, we later realized that God was at work.

Coincidence or not, one of those days, I came across this verse as I was reading my Bible: “For you know quite well that the day of the Lord’s return will come unexpectedly, like a thief in the night. When people are saying, “Everything is peaceful and secure,” then disaster will fall on them as suddenly as a pregnant woman’s labor pains begin. And there will be no escape.” (I Thessalonians 5:2) I couldn’t help but notice the commonalities in waiting for the baby and waiting for the return of the Lord! Come soon, Lord Jesus!!

God, Are You Really with Me?

Last month, we walked out of our apartment leasing office praising God for a miracle. Yes, we had just received an offer to lease a 2 bedroom apartment, for almost the same rent we are now paying for a 1 bedroom apartment. The new apartment is in the same block we are in now (we hadn't even requested for it), so moving would be easier. Moreover, we have been offered to make the move in December. We don‘t have to wait till January when our current lease expires. That works for us, since we are also expecting our second baby in January. We hadn't toiled much to end up with this deal. We did one thing – we committed to the Lord in prayer, and asked for His guidance and wisdom.

On days like this, it is easy to "see" God’s Presence and guidance, isn’t it? But, you see, with all that life brings across our path, we are not always singing ‘Hallelujah!’

We walked out of the same apartment leasing office a few months back, praising God for a miracle. But that day was quite different.

It was the month of July. My husband Daniel, son John and I had arrived at the John F Kennedy airport in New York, from India, with at least 6 luggage bags. We had a reservation for a hotel in a locality where some of Daniel‘s colleagues resided. Waiting outside the airport, we handed the hotel address to the taxi driver, and he nodded his head in unbelief. “I can‘t go that far,” he said. “It‘s a different part of the state, and it is going to cost you a lot.” Well, we had no other option. So we requested him to go. Then he looked at our luggage bags, and decided they are not going to fit in the taxi. Finally, we ended up in another taxi. That driver was not a technology user, you see. So, he had no GPS or smartphone. We had just landed in the country, and we had no internet on our phones either. We went for a long ride in that taxi, not sure if he was headed in the right direction. The driver did stop in many gas stations (or petrol bunks) to ensure that. After many detours and returns, we ended up at the hotel. “Finally!” we sighed, only to find out that Daniel‘s debit card was not working, because we had been outside the country for a couple of months. How do we pay for the taxi now? We didn’t have enough cash on us. He called the bank to unlock the debit card. As the taxi driver was starting to get impatient about driving all the way back in the pouring rain, the payment just got through. We checked into the hotel room, which was to be our ‘home’ for the next few days. Grateful for shelter, we retired into a good night’s rest.

Now that we have arrived in the country, we had to look for an apartment to move into. After inquiring in a few apartment communities, the only available apartment was in Danbury, Connecticut. The earliest we could move in was after a week. The day came when we could move into the apartment. It was a Friday. We planned to rent a car, so that Daniel could go to work from the hotel (a 40-minute drive away), and then pick us up along with the luggage at noon and move to the new apartment in Danbury. We knew it was going to be a hectic day, but things didn’t go as planned, which made it all the more chaotic. Daniel got to the rental car center, but he was denied a rental car, because he didn’t have a credit card. He managed to get to work, because a helpful colleague offered a ride. In the afternoon, Daniel had a hard time finding a taxi to hire. When he was finally able to get one, it was about time for us to check out of the hotel. Our toddler son and I were waiting in the hotel room, as we kept getting calls from the hotel’s reception desk that it was time for us to leave! Soon, our access cards were deactivated too. Now, our next challenge was to find a taxi that could accommodate our luggage bags and take us to Danbury. And Daniel was still on his way to the hotel.

With all that going on, I began to wonder if we are even heading in the right direction. I mean, was it even God’s plan for us to come to New York? Or, did we miss something? I know God allows difficulties, but I wanted to be sure we are in the center of His will. I began to tell God that if we move into the apartment today, I would take it as a sign that we are walking in His will. Things didn’t get any easier after that. Daniel did arrive after a few minutes, and the hotel charged us for an extra day, because we exceeded the check-out time. But, the good thing is that the same taxi driver agreed to drive us to Danbury. We could fit all but one of our luggage bags (we had to leave one bag at Daniel’s colleague’s home and pick it up later) in the taxi.

Just as we were about to feel relieved, we got a call from the apartment community to let us know that they were closing the office at 5. It was already 4, and the place is about an hour’s drive away. So, if the drive is uneventful, we would reach just on time. Sitting in the taxi with all of our luggage in the trunk, we were wondering if we would even make it today. The apartment office would be closed in the weekend, and we would have to wait for two more days if we miss by a few minutes. That would mean a lot of expenses for the hotel room, food, taxi, etc. and we wanted to move into a ‘home’ we could call ours.

As were nearing Danbury, we realized we were not going to reach by 5. There was heavy traffic on our route. Daniel called the apartment office and requested them to wait for a little longer. After much pleading, the lady finally agreed to wait for 15 more minutes. But that didn’t seem sufficient too. She said she had to leave and told us to wait till Monday to move in. I almost decided that we are probably not heading in the right direction, and we needed some course correction. And, where will we stay for the night?? Meanwhile, Daniel was on the phone. Suddenly, his ‘please’ was replaced by ‘thank you’. What happened? The lady suddenly changed her decision and agreed to leave the keys with another staff who lived in the same apartment community. Praise the Lord!

That was when the Lord’s still small voice reminded that He is with us, no matter what! Oh, yes, He has promised that, and how can I forget it? “When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.” (Isaiah 43:2) It is easy to believe the Lord’s Presence when things are going great, but it doesn’t seem so real when life takes some unexpected twists and turns. But, inconveniences don’t change the fact that He is with us. Even if we had taken a wrong step – I mean, not a deliberate rebellion, but a mistake – His Presence is still something we can count on. I was reminded again of Psalm 23:2 - 4 (“He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me.”)

I'm Now a Mom!

Me, a mom?? Hard to believe. It was as if yesterday when I was a carefree kid. But it’s been four months since I officially became the mother of a cute little guy!! John Baruch made his entry into the world on December 13th, 2012. He was expected to be born four weeks later. But God’s timings are different from ours.

It was my 36-week scheduled doctor visit. Danny had taken permission from office to take me to the doctor during his lunch break. As soon as I entered the hospital, my bag of waters broke (which means labour is near). The doctor examined me and I was admitted in the hospital for labour. Isn’t it too early? I am not even full-term. As Danny and I sat there that afternoon, recollecting all that had been happening, we knew God’s timings are perfect and He had been preparing us for that day. Not just us. Even our home was all set for the arrival of our little one. The crib was ready, so were his clothes and the car seat. We had even bought diapers. It surprises me that we were so prepared four weeks in advance, more so since Danny usually prefers doing things at the last minute. Friends had gifted us a variety of baby things. Yeah, friends whom we had known for hardly eight months in this foreign country!

In a few hours, I’ll be delivering the baby, how did we feel? Of course, it was a mixture of feelings. But if I have to point to one, we knew that God is in perfect control. It was just the two of us at the hospital. My mom was supposed to come in another two weeks, but her first grandson decided to come earlier.

Rewind to ‘one year back’…

A few months into our marriage, I came across this Bible passage in Luke 1:16-18. It’s about John the Baptist. (“He will bring back many of the people of Israel to the Lord their God. And he will go on before the Lord, in the spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of the parents to their children and the disobedient to the wisdom of the righteous—to make ready a people prepared for the Lord.”) As I read this, I just prayed that the Lord would give us a child like that – one who would bring many people to the Lord. On New Year’s Day, as the church service was going on, Daniel looked at me and said, “We are going to have a child this year.” Months passed, and it was in the month of May that we found I was pregnant.

That brought mixed feelings in me – Excitement, joy, fear, anxiety. How am I going to go through the childbirth part? I’ve heard much about the ‘unbearable labour pain’. When I cringe in other kinds of pain, I’ve sometimes had older women ask me, “if you are not able to bear this pain, how are going to bear labour pain?” I too had that question in mind. Early in my pregnancy, I had to make a choice. I will have to worry about the impending labour pain for the rest of my pregnancy or cast my worry on the Lord and just enjoy the pregnancy moment by moment. But, I didn’t know what to pray for. Should I pray for a painless delivery or a shorter labour? The verse which says, “By thee have I been holden up from the womb; thou are he that took me out of my mother’s bowels: my praise shall be continually of thee.” (Psalm 71:6) was a great encouragement. Now, I knew what to pray for. I just asked that God’s Presence would be real during the delivery.

Whenever I was faced with questions, discouragement or physical weakness, it was God’s Word that uplifted me. I learnt some of my pregnancy lessons from the life of Elizabeth, John’s mom. Some people who prayed over me quoted verses about John the Baptist. I just thought to myself that our baby should be named John, if it’s a boy. When we found out we’re having a boy, we decided to name him ‘John’. Danny suggested ‘Baruch’ after the scribe of prophet Jeremiah.

12/12/12 was the day I was admitted in the hospital. It was around 9 PM, when I started to feel the pain, though contractions had begun in the afternoon (pardon me, if you are not familiar with these terms. Anyway, it might be good to know them. Perhaps, it will be of use later on). In the hospital, women in labour are offered an epidural (pain relieving medicine injected into the spine). Most women take an epidural. Though I am not against taking an epidural, Danny had encouraged me that I could do it naturally with God’s strength. I had told my nurses that I don’t want an epidural; but I might change my mind about that. The pain started getting intense. Danny stood by me, encouraging me, playing Praise and Worship music, praying and reciting Scripture verses. I kept asking the nurses, “how much longer will it take?” As the pain started increasing, I had a thought about taking some kind of pain relief. Just then the nurse examined me and said I am almost ready to deliver. If it’s going to be just some more time, why bother with the pain medication? Then came the long awaited moment at 01:08 AM – and there he was! A little squealing human being drenched in blood and fluids. Tears of joy filled my eyes as all those moments of pain just faded away in the joy of holding my little baby.

On the day of birth

Four months have gone by so quickly, and it’s fun being a mom – though it’s not very easy. Trusting in the Lord to help me be the godly mom that He wants me to be, not a perfect super-mom that I wish I could be!!

A recent picture

Seek First '_____'

In August, it had been a few months for us in the US and we thought it’s a good time to buy a car. Till then, we had been walking to nearby stores; sometimes, we took the less frequent public transport; most times, kind-hearted friends offered us rides – especially for Danny to commute to his workplace. We got the money ready for the car and started looking for cars within our budget and as per our requirements. We searched the internet, told friends. All along, we knew in our hearts that God would provide the right vehicle at the right time. But we need to “do our part”, right?

During the process, we realised that ‘car’ was all that we were talking and thinking about. “How about this one... or that?” It’s quite true that we needed a car. We can’t keep asking people for a favour every day. But had we forgotten to just trust in God and be still? We both knew that’s what God was asking us to do at that time. Oh come on, we can’t literally “be still” in this case, can we? We need to do some search and research. We went ahead and did. Finally, one deal worked out for us – well, almost. We proceeded to negotiate with the seller. We were going to make the payment, when we realised that this was fraudulent. Thank God, we were stopped at the right time. It wouldn’t have taken us too long to have paid all the money we had at that time and kept waiting for the car forever!

After we recovered from the shock, now again, time to resume our car hunt. But this time, God’s Word was crystal clear – the very familiar verse, “But seek first His kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Matthew 6:33) ministered to me. From the previous verses, we know that ‘all these things’ refers to our physical and immediate needs. Like most promises in the Bible have a command, this one does too. We need to seek God’s kingdom and His righteousness. In our case, we decided to stop looking for cars, because that was occupying too much of space in our minds. That was a difficult step. We had to hold each other accountable on that. The other thing was to focus our minds on God, serving Him and praying for those who have not yet seen the Light. What about the car? We had learned the hard way to ‘be still’.

After a few days, when we got an opportunity to testify about God, Danny shared about how God had stopped us from being a victim of fraud. One person who was listening to it came and spoke to us later saying that he knows a good car dealer and he can help us get a car! Later that week, he took us to the car dealer and helped us decide on a car that suits our requirements. We drove back home in that car and we’ve been using it for the last few months.

At times, it’s hard to be still and wait for God’s timing and ways. But when we do, we can only exclaim in wonder at the way He works! I realised that God is able to work as much as we trust Him with our lives. God has put us on earth on His mission – that is, to seek His kingdom. When we do that, He takes care of all our physical needs. Yes, literally.

When an employer asks its employee to travel on business, the employer takes care of all his expenses. All he has to be concerned about is the task at hand. He would be a fool to spend all his time trying to meet his expenses and neglect his task. But, too often, isn’t that how we live? We spend all our time and effort in meeting our immediate needs that we forget about the greater purpose for our life on earth. The danger is that the worries of this life can go to the extent of choking the Word of God! “The seed falling among the thorns refers to someone who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful.” (Matthew 13:22) Let us be careful to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, the author and finisher of our race.

My Second Biggest Decision!!

It was a Wednesday night. When I was about to hit the bed after a long day at work, I got a call from my dad. It was quite unusual for him to call at that time. What was he going to say? He didn’t take too long to get to the point. There was a marriage proposal for me. The guy’s parents had heard about me from a common friend and they thought I would be a suitable life partner for him. That’s how it usually works in our culture -- arranged marriage, as it is called. My dad went on to say a little about him. His name is Daniel; he works with Infosys, and he is a spiritual person. My dad had spoken to me about other marriage proposals before. They didn’t work out for some reason or the other. So, I didn’t take it too seriously this time either. But I had to give him some answer. I said I would pray about it.

Then I quickly opened his Facebook profile on my phone. There wasn’t much activity on his Facebook page, but he had a profile picture. He was a guy with a pleasant face and curly long hair tied in a pony. Long hair? Hmmm... not exaclty my taste. I was not too sure what to think of him. But, I made a note of our one mutual friend and decided to talk to her. Then, I prayed that if this is the person I should marry, then it would happen; if not, I prayed that it would somehow be stopped. With that, I slept.

The next morning, my dad e-mailed me his picture. Well, in this one, he had short hair and a pleasant smiling face. I was hoping he has short hair now. I also reasoned that his profile picture on Facebook is probably not up to date, since he did not seem to be active on Facebook anyway. Then I called our mutual friend and asked her about Daniel. She said they were colleagues and he is a very nice person. Alright, that's good, but I can't make up my mind either way yet!

Soon, I got another call from dad and he asked if it would be fine for me to meet the person and talk to him on Saturday. What? In two more days? I was not sure I was ready for it. I had just heard his name for the first time yesterday! I could see that my parents were very excited about the marriage proposal. They had their reasons. The guy’s family had said that they would not take a dowry, which is traditionally a huge amount of money the bride’s family would have to pay the groom’s family at the time of marriage. That was proof that they are not money-minded people and they respect people for who they are. Finally, I agreed for our meeting on Saturday, because I didn't have a good reason to say no.

I did not yet have much reason to be as excited as my parents were, but I continued to pray. I had always thought that I would ask a lot of questions before I would agree to marry a guy. I wanted to find out everything about him before I would say “yes”. Here was my time to do what I had always wanted to do. Or was it? On Friday night, when I read my Bible, I came upon this verse in Philippians 2:3, 4: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests but also to the interests of others.” That struck me hard and realigned my perspective of marriage. I realized that marriage is not about finding someone who would fit into my expectations, but the process of me weaving into his life and being a part of God's kingdom together. That was a game changer for me. I decided not to take my notepad to the ‘interview’, after all. I would let him talk and see how it goes. My prayer was that at the end of the meeting, God would make it clear to me whether I should say ‘yes’ or ‘no’; there should be no ambiguity. By the time I finished praying, I had great peace.

After a restful sleep on Friday night, Saturday morning dawned with an air of anticipation. My parents, my aunt and I drove to a friend’s house, where we had agreed to meet. After a few minutes, the guy and his parents arrived too. I was relieved to see his short hair! Then, they said Daniel and I could talk in privacy and get to know each other. Sure enough, he took the lead. The first thing he said was, "Would you pray?" I was quite impressed! Wow, a man who puts God first. Then we went on to talk about our interests, jobs, values, and common friends. It turned out that we had lot more common friends than the one listed on Facebook. After a casual chat of about 15 minutes, we walked out of the room and went to where our parents were getting acquainted. I took a seat next to my mom, and she whispered to me, “Do you like him?” I said “yes”. As soon as I did, I looked over and I saw Daniel nodding a yes to his parents as well.

Wait, had I just made a life-changing decision? Yes, I had. I barely knew anything about Daniel. But I made up my mind to love him no matter what. After all, love is a decision more than an emotion. After a couple of months of courting, I pronounced at the altar, “I Do.”

Now, considering how long Daniel takes to decide, even to buy a tie, I tell him, “the quickest decision you’ve ever made is to say ‘yes’ to me”. That’s the day we met – 4th of June, 2011. And the Lord who united us continues to guide us and hold us.

Now, if you are wondering what my first biggest decision is, you can read all about it here.