My Second Biggest Decision!!

It was a Wednesday night. When I was about to hit the bed after a long day at work, I got a call from my dad. It was quite unusual for him to call at that time. What was he going to say? He didn’t take too long to get to the point. There was a marriage proposal for me. The guy’s parents had heard about me from a common friend and they thought I would be a suitable life partner for him. That’s how it usually works in our culture -- arranged marriage, as it is called. My dad went on to say a little about him. His name is Daniel; he works with Infosys, and he is a spiritual person. My dad had spoken to me about other marriage proposals before. They didn’t work out for some reason or the other. So, I didn’t take it too seriously this time either. But I had to give him some answer. I said I would pray about it.

Then I quickly opened his Facebook profile on my phone. There wasn’t much activity on his Facebook page, but he had a profile picture. He was a guy with a pleasant face and curly long hair tied in a pony. Long hair? Hmmm... not exaclty my taste. I was not too sure what to think of him. But, I made a note of our one mutual friend and decided to talk to her. Then, I prayed that if this is the person I should marry, then it would happen; if not, I prayed that it would somehow be stopped. With that, I slept.

The next morning, my dad e-mailed me his picture. Well, in this one, he had short hair and a pleasant smiling face. I was hoping he has short hair now. I also reasoned that his profile picture on Facebook is probably not up to date, since he did not seem to be active on Facebook anyway. Then I called our mutual friend and asked her about Daniel. She said they were colleagues and he is a very nice person. Alright, that's good, but I can't make up my mind either way yet!

Soon, I got another call from dad and he asked if it would be fine for me to meet the person and talk to him on Saturday. What? In two more days? I was not sure I was ready for it. I had just heard his name for the first time yesterday! I could see that my parents were very excited about the marriage proposal. They had their reasons. The guy’s family had said that they would not take a dowry, which is traditionally a huge amount of money the bride’s family would have to pay the groom’s family at the time of marriage. That was proof that they are not money-minded people and they respect people for who they are. Finally, I agreed for our meeting on Saturday, because I didn't have a good reason to say no.

I did not yet have much reason to be as excited as my parents were, but I continued to pray. I had always thought that I would ask a lot of questions before I would agree to marry a guy. I wanted to find out everything about him before I would say “yes”. Here was my time to do what I had always wanted to do. Or was it? On Friday night, when I read my Bible, I came upon this verse in Philippians 2:3, 4: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests but also to the interests of others.” That struck me hard and realigned my perspective of marriage. I realized that marriage is not about finding someone who would fit into my expectations, but the process of me weaving into his life and being a part of God's kingdom together. That was a game changer for me. I decided not to take my notepad to the ‘interview’, after all. I would let him talk and see how it goes. My prayer was that at the end of the meeting, God would make it clear to me whether I should say ‘yes’ or ‘no’; there should be no ambiguity. By the time I finished praying, I had great peace.

After a restful sleep on Friday night, Saturday morning dawned with an air of anticipation. My parents, my aunt and I drove to a friend’s house, where we had agreed to meet. After a few minutes, the guy and his parents arrived too. I was relieved to see his short hair! Then, they said Daniel and I could talk in privacy and get to know each other. Sure enough, he took the lead. The first thing he said was, "Would you pray?" I was quite impressed! Wow, a man who puts God first. Then we went on to talk about our interests, jobs, values, and common friends. It turned out that we had lot more common friends than the one listed on Facebook. After a casual chat of about 15 minutes, we walked out of the room and went to where our parents were getting acquainted. I took a seat next to my mom, and she whispered to me, “Do you like him?” I said “yes”. As soon as I did, I looked over and I saw Daniel nodding a yes to his parents as well.

Wait, had I just made a life-changing decision? Yes, I had. I barely knew anything about Daniel. But I made up my mind to love him no matter what. After all, love is a decision more than an emotion. After a couple of months of courting, I pronounced at the altar, “I Do.”

Now, considering how long Daniel takes to decide, even to buy a tie, I tell him, “the quickest decision you’ve ever made is to say ‘yes’ to me”. That’s the day we met – 4th of June, 2011. And the Lord who united us continues to guide us and hold us.

Now, if you are wondering what my first biggest decision is, you can read all about it here.

Praying Rather than Preaching

Once, my parents called me over phone and shared a problem they were going through. I quickly recollected all Bible verses I knew that would apply to their situation. I preached a short sermon to my mom, and then another sermon to my dad and then hung up. As if this were not enough, I typed out another long sermon, sent it over e-mail and asked my parents to check their mailbox. They seemed the least interested in any of this. I wonder if they even read till the end of my e-mail! Frustrated, finally, I went to the Presence of the Almighty and told Him that nothing has worked out. “So, God, you take care of it.” Soon after that, I could see a positive change, not only in my parents but also in me. I no longer thought “I have to do something about it”, because I’ve casted my burden on Him! Then I realised, what they now need is not a sermon, but someone who would listen. My action at that time was contrary to James 1:19 (“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”) They just need the strength to apply the verses they already know.

That’s not the only time I did this. I love to preach to people, especially when I myself have encountered a situation similar to the one the other person is in. It is often easy to preach than to listen patiently and pray.

Often, preaching in the wrong situations only make things worse. Well, I am not against ‘preaching’. Jesus did preach; Paul preached; so do many contemporary preachers. Their sermons, for sure, do not dissolve in the air. The difference is – knowing where to preach and where to pray. Jesus knew when to tell stories, when to ask questions, when to preach, when to pray, when to perform miracles; He also knew when to remain quiet. When Jesus foretold Simon Peter’s denial, He did not preach a sermon on standing firm in the faith. Rather, He said: “...but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail.” (Luke 22:32)

In another instance, someone (say ‘Z’) did something I did not like. I was tempted to make a sarcastic comment, which I knew would hurt ‘Z’. Saying that would only result in a bitter argument. I was waiting to tell ‘Z’ that I did not like what ‘Z’ did. At that time, God reminded me that I had not yet prayed about it. “Oh yes, God! Take care of it.” I prayed and with God’s strength, refrained from making that comment and even saying anything about it. A few days later, when I was talking to ‘Z’, this topic came up and I was able to convey what I wanted to, in a non-threatening way. This time, I was helping, not hurting! That’s what the Spirit of God does. After this incident, I was all excited and I was singing:

“What a friend we have in Jesus

All our sins and griefs to bear

What a privilege to carry

Everything to God in prayer

Oh what peace we often forfeit

Oh what needless pain we bear

All because we do not carry

Everything to God in prayer.”

Philippians 4:6, 7 – “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus”). ‘Anything’ and ‘every situation’ includes others’ struggles as well!