This is my story...

Proud, argumentative, disobedient, talkative, quarrelsome – These were some of my labels when I was in school. Contrast these labels with the award I was given when I graduated from college – ‘Best outgoing student with Exemplary Behaviour’. Sounds totally discrepant? Not because any of those labels were incorrect. Certainly, I have become a completely different person. How did I change? Well, that’s a story.

I was born in a Christian family to an engineer and a dietician, which my parents were. As a child, I remember talking to the Lord, and listening to Him. I related to God as my dear Father. Later, our family moved to a village where God called my parents for full-time ministry. No electricity, no proper roof for the house. Through it all, the One Who called remained faithful. Even in Dharmapuri, the most backward district in Tamil Nadu, God helped me to study in a good school.

After Class 5, I slowly started moving away from the Lord. This loving Father I had known all along suddenly became irrelevant to me. Without a relationship with Jesus, I could only sin. I chose to move away from my Source of strength. And the result? My life was full of fights, quarrels, arguments, and the list could go on. I felt unloved. My marks started going down the drain. I even failed in one subject when I was in Class 6. I have helped classmates write love letters. Whenever I argued against my parents or disobeyed them, I would be punished. Good for nothing. Not to forget, I was regular in Bible reading, prayer and in attending church. But, I didn’t relate to God through all these. I hated myself, because I could not get better, with the best of my efforts. I will be good today, I would decide. And the next moment, I would end up feeling guilty for doing something wrong. Most nights, I would go to bed weeping feeling bad about myself. But, my Maker had not given up on me.

One such night, when I was in Class 7, I was weeping as usual. Looking back, I realised how far I had gone from the God who loved me. Jesus loves me, He died for my sin – I knew it all. But I had not lived it. That night, I started confessing my sins to Jesus. I asked Jesus to wash away my sins, and I began to trust the power of the blood Jesus shed for me on the cross. I asked Him to forgive me and take control of my life. I hated the way I had been living.

Then, life started changing. There was a U-turn in my behaviour. From Class 8, I stood first in class. Two years later, I was baptised by my dad, who is now a pastor. God started using this ‘good for nothing’ person. God filled me with gifts and talents, so that I could do His work.

I started leading worship in church when I was in Class 9. Not because I had great voice. In fact, my voice was bad. I was given a lot of suggestions. My dad suggested that I pray about it and practice regularly, like another worship leader did. I liked the idea, but I lacked the discipline to practice regularly. At one point, God reminded me that I hadn’t surrendered my voice to Him, yet. I used to listen to harmless secular songs, occasionally. As I surrendered my voice to God, I made a commitment that I would sing only to glorify God. I stopped listening to secular songs. Now and then, I would be tempted to listen to secular songs. After all, they do no harm. But, God helps me overcome such temptations. Then, something amazing happened. My voice improved! But, by then God had taught me that worship is not about the quality of my voice, but about my relationship with the Lord. I no longer care how well I sing, or how well I play the guitar. Worship is all about God, not about me.

After Class 12, I had to decide which college and which course I should choose. My friends and teachers thought I was really crazy to choose Visual Communication. Their reason – you have marks ‘good enough’ for engineering. Neither I nor my parents wanted my marks to decide the field I should choose. I decided on Visual Communication because I wanted to be a writer. I joined Bishop Appasamy College, Coimbatore, and I was excited about the course, the college, and all that I was learning. But, it took me more than two years to feel comfortable in my class. I enjoyed everything else in college, except my class. I felt left out, because my classmates thought I was too outdated, and I didn’t know how to have ‘fun’.

When I finished college, I was confident of getting a job as a journalist, because I had freelanced as a reporter with The Hindu for two years. But, God had different plans. I joined Cognizant as an instructional designer in August 2008. I had absolutely no plans of joining an IT company. When I first stepped into Cognizant, I had so many fears. How will I even survive in such a competitive world? How will I cope up with people who are much more intelligent and smarter than me? I finished my training and I was one of the first to be allotted to projects. My turn for the personal feedback session came. Among other things, my trainer said, “Your core values are good, and I believe that is because of your religious belief.” Well, it is because of the One who has chosen me. I got an e-mail the other day, saying I have topped the overall training performance in my batch. Something I expected the least! Looking back, the only thing I can see is God’s grace. I really don’t deserve anything.

I spend a lot of time chatting with my parents, sister and friends. We talk about God and we share all that God has been doing in each of our lives. That has certainly built me up, as we learn from each other what God has been teaching. This is one thing I like about my church – the one my dad pastors – the weekly time of testimony, where we share about all that God spoke to us in the past week. There have been confessions, words of encouragement, instruction and edification. I praise God for all that He has taught me and the people He has brought into my life. To put it in a nutshell, He is still working on me.