Growing up as a pastor's kid, I have been to many Pentecostal 'revival' meetings with my parents. I would come out of most of those meetings questioning my relationship with God. In those meetings, people looked excited about prayer - they would clap, shout and jump while praying. They sounded fluent and professional in their prayers. Many could even pray in different tongues. Often, I would stand there, unable to feel any of that, and wondering what is wrong with my faith in God. In many meetings, participants were encouraged to ask for the anointing of the Holy Spirit. I have asked for the Holy Spirit to fill me, but almost always, I never felt a thing. Others described different emotions, and I have often seen people fall down as they receive the Holy Spirit. None of that has ever happened to me, although that's not reason enough to question the genuineness of those experiences. I had voiced these questions to my dad, my spiritual mentor. He consoled me saying that we receive the Holy Spirit by faith, not by how we feel. God does give us spiritual gifts by His will. Dad also encouraged me to yearn more for the fruit of the Spirit than the experiences, which some people may be given as a sign.
Though I received the Holy Spirit by faith, many things I saw around me developed in me a fear of the Holy Spirit. Shocking, isn't it? The Holy Spirit is meant to be my Comforter, yet I was scared of Him. So scared that for a couple of years, I very carefully avoided asking for the Holy Spirit to fill me! I know I was foolish to think that way, but I felt as if Jesus is a good friend, but the Holy Spirit is a scary ghost. One night, I shared this with a good Christian friend. She asked if I had prayed about it. Um, well, may be... But then I started praying about my crazy fear. My attitude started changing, but not overnight.
“You fathers—if your children ask for a fish, do you give them a snake instead? Or if they ask for an egg, do you give them a scorpion? Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him.” (Luke 11:11-13) It was this passage in the Bible that reminded me to overcome my fear. He is the 'Holy' Spirit, He is a good Gift. And He is God.
As a child, I have often prayed, "Jesus, come into my heart." Essentially, I was inviting the Holy Spirit to live in me. The great thing about the Holy Spirit is that He is God in us. What a great privilege to have Him right with us, whispering to us and nudging us to walk in His ways! "But when the Father sends the Advocate as my representative—that is, the Holy Spirit—he will teach you everything and will remind you of everything I have told you." (John 14:26)
I had to ask the Lord to forgive me for being scared of Him. After all, how would I feel if my son was scared of me? Of course, I would still be gentle and patient with Him. That's exactly how God dealt with me - patient, yet persistent. "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." (2 Timothy 1:7) The Lord doesn't scare us away, instead He gently draws us near.
Though I received the Holy Spirit by faith, many things I saw around me developed in me a fear of the Holy Spirit. Shocking, isn't it? The Holy Spirit is meant to be my Comforter, yet I was scared of Him. So scared that for a couple of years, I very carefully avoided asking for the Holy Spirit to fill me! I know I was foolish to think that way, but I felt as if Jesus is a good friend, but the Holy Spirit is a scary ghost. One night, I shared this with a good Christian friend. She asked if I had prayed about it. Um, well, may be... But then I started praying about my crazy fear. My attitude started changing, but not overnight.
“You fathers—if your children ask for a fish, do you give them a snake instead? Or if they ask for an egg, do you give them a scorpion? Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him.” (Luke 11:11-13) It was this passage in the Bible that reminded me to overcome my fear. He is the 'Holy' Spirit, He is a good Gift. And He is God.
As a child, I have often prayed, "Jesus, come into my heart." Essentially, I was inviting the Holy Spirit to live in me. The great thing about the Holy Spirit is that He is God in us. What a great privilege to have Him right with us, whispering to us and nudging us to walk in His ways! "But when the Father sends the Advocate as my representative—that is, the Holy Spirit—he will teach you everything and will remind you of everything I have told you." (John 14:26)
I had to ask the Lord to forgive me for being scared of Him. After all, how would I feel if my son was scared of me? Of course, I would still be gentle and patient with Him. That's exactly how God dealt with me - patient, yet persistent. "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." (2 Timothy 1:7) The Lord doesn't scare us away, instead He gently draws us near.
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